Standing On My Two Feet
by llamasarecooluniverse
Summary: (South Park/The Little Mermaid) Kyle is the bored prince of the undersea. How can your life be fun with friends like Cartman the pufferfish and Butters the crab? A few magical spells later, Kyle is a human and must because Super Best Friends with Stan, the prince of the land. But at a cost. And if he can't do what the sea witch wants him to? Deadly punishments for everyone. R
1. Chapter 1

**OKAY SO I'M SWITCHING THIS FANFIC AROUND SO UNFAVORITE OR UNFOLLOW OR WHATEVER YOU WANT BUT IM CHANGING IT. I WROTE THIS WHILE HAVING A UNIBROW AND MUSTACHE DRAW ON MY FACE.**

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16 year old Kyle Broflovski flipped his fin trying to get away from Cartman the Pufferfish. Yeah, I said fin. Kyle Broflovski was a merman. Not any merman, but royalty. His father assigned Kyle a friend so he wouldn't get lonely. That was Cartman. Because, of course, a sixteen year couldn't find his own damn friends.

"Wait up, Kahl!" Cartman yelled. Kyle stayed silent and swam faster. "God dammint, you Jew! I said WAIT UP KAHL!" Cartman was swimming as fast as he could, which wasn't very fast, and pushed forward.

"And where the hell are you going you stupid Jew, anyway? The fucking temple?" Cartman laughed at his own stupid joke and fell back. _Don't let him get on your nerves, _the red head merboy told himself. Kyle was fucking undersea royalty and he had to be friends with this kid?

"C'mon, you stupid Jew! Respect my authoritah!" The Pufferfish started blowing himself with air getting very upset.

"Stop your bitching, Cartman. We're here." Cartman released his air and saw the huge ship. Kyle had a determined look on his face. He swam towards it. Cartman followed and didn't utter a word until they got to a porthole in the sunken ship. "Uh, Kahl? I think we should turn back..."

"Fine, scaredy fish. Watch for sharks." Kyle wriggled himself in the ship and Cartman nodded. "I'll stay here and watch for- SHARKS! Jesus Christ! Kahl, wait for me!" Cartman wriggled himself in finding Kyle looking through the pile.

"Jew, what are you doing stealing? Well, Jews do steal a lot." "Shut up, fatass!" Kyle muttered and continued looking through the junk.

"Here it is!" Kyle picked up a book and held it upside down trying to read it. "What is it?" "It's a thingy-ma-boober. That's what Chef said. He said the symbols were written in a weird language called 'kada-ka-penis'."

"I don't believe that black bird. Let's go see that stupid thing." Kyle nodded and held the book along with a few other items which were a fork, a pipe, and a condom. Not used, mind you.

.x.X.x.

Prince Stanley Marsh of age 16 sat on deck looking out at the water. A bunch of dolphins jumped out of the water and back in until they were out of sight.

"Wonder what those fuckers do down there..." Stan said to himself and a sailor named Garrison with a little tag along named Mr. Slave were eavesdropping.

"They are helpers of King Triton the king of the sea. A merman." Slave nodded and replied "Jesus Christ!" "King Triton?" Shelly walked over and started yelling at them. "YOU TURDS GO AND DO THE TURDY BOAT BEFORE WE CRASH!"

Princess Shelly didn't wear her retainer anymore but called everyone turds. You can guess who the people of their kingdom favored.

Garrison and Slave ran off with Mr. Slave with Mr Slave screaming "JESUS CHRIST!" Stan gave his sister a half smile and a wave and she stomped off.

Stan pulled out his binoculars and looked out at sea. All he saw was a black bird sitting on a rock. It was suspicious but someone called out "Stanley? Where are you, darling?"

A black haired 16 year old wearing a pink dress smiled at her husband. Princess Wendy Testaburger was her name. Her and Stan couldn't become King and Queen because Stan's parents needed to die first. Shelly tried to plant plans to kill their parents but Stan refused.

Wendy kissed Stan with her arms around his neck. Her fingers run through his hair and he smiled into the kiss. "Yer' Highness?" A scottish accent from behind them interrupted them. It was wedding dress designer. Wendy smiled at Stan and broke the kiss. She walked off with the wedding dress designer and Stan panicked for a moment.

He wasn't stupid. He knew what happened after a wedding. Was he ready for a child? Could be a good father or a shitty one like his? Being royalty wasn't a garden of roses. It sometimes meant losing family and wars and burden. The worst was the "friend" situation. No friends. Zippo, nada, none.

Stan wanted a friend that he could talk about the troubles of being a sixteen year old. He tried to make friends with sailors and people of his kingdom but they would either run off thinking he was there to behead them or too star-struck to do anything.

All Prince Stanley Marsh wanted was a friend.

.x.X.x.

A black bird had his lady black friends over and was singing a song about sex to them.

_"I'm gonna make love to you, woman,  
Gonna lay you down by the fire!  
And caress your womanly body,  
Make ya moan and perspire.  
Gonna get those juices flowin'  
We makin' love baby, love baby,  
love baby, love, love, love, baby!" (From Cartman gets an Anal Probe) _

The lady birds slapped the man bird and flew off. The black bird heard someone calling him. "Hey Chef!"

The black bird smiled. "Hello, children. How'd it goin'?" "Bad." "Why bad?" "Because we found new things and we don't know what they are." "What's so bad about that?" Cartman turned around and had gotten the fork stuck up his ass.

Chef ripped it out and Cartman yelled. "So what is it Chef?" "It's a dinglehopper! You use it to brush you hair into cool styles like an afro! The ladies dig it." Chef put the fork in his hair and twisted it leaving an afro.

"But Kahl already had a Jewfro." Cartman pointed out. Kyle lifted his ushanka revealing his wild curls. Chef nodded. "Now this..." He picked up the pipe. "This is a snarfblat. It coaxes the ladies to sleep with you. It's a music maker." "Music?!" Kyle yelled and smack his forehead.

"Fuck, I forgot about Dad's stupid musical thingy! Crap! Thanks, Chef!" Kyle grabbed everything and swam off. Cartman stayed back a moment.

"If you see anyone whose looking for a person, may or may not be a shark, with a digglehopper up his ass, I was never here." Cartman kept eye contact with Chef and in the silence went under water.

.x.X.x.

A woman with huge red hair, a large shape, and tentacles, rubbed her hands together as her spies, Terrance and Philip, watched Kyle and Cartman swim to King Gerald's castle. She was watching through her crystal ball.

"Hey Philip!" The woman heard a voice say faintly from crystal ball. "What Terrance?" "Do you like apples?" "Yes, why Terrance?" The woman heard a farting noise. "How do yo like 'dem apples?" They laughed and the woman groaned.

"You idiots! Pay attention! I don't pay you to be stupid!" "But mistress, you don't pay us at all!"

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**WHOO FIRST CHAPTER! CAN PEOPLE WHO COMMENTED FOR THE LAST STORY ERASE THEIR COMMENTS? I'M TOO LAZY TO MAKE A NEW STORY SO PLEASE? *PUPPY EYES* **

**KYLE: I'M A FUCKING MERMAN? JESUS YOU MUST BE RUNNING OUT OF IDEAS**

**CARTMAN: HA YOU FUCKING JEW THAT'S WHAT YOU GET**

**SHUT UP AND CARTMAN YOUR A FUCKING PUFFERFISH**

**KYLE: HAHA YEAH FATASS**

**/ **

**A/N: THIS _WILL NOT _BE A STANXKYLE FANFIC. I MIGHT MAKE A FEW EXTRA CHAPTERS TO ADD SOME STANXKYLE TO YOU GUYS WHO LIKE THAT SHIP BUT THAT ACTUAL STORY WILL OT BE STAN AND KYLE. DO I NEED TO MAKE MYSELF CLEARER? N-O STAN AND KYLE IN CASE YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ENGLISH**

**French- NO KYLE ET STAN EXPÉDITION**

**Russian-НЕТ Кайл и Стэн ДОСТАВКА**

**German- NO Kyle und Stan VERSAND**

**Spanish- NO ENVÍO KYLE Y STAN**

**Hindi- कोई केली और स्टेन नौवहन**

**Australian & Rednecks- G'Day Mate Barbie (or) Howdy Ho fucking stupid expression no one gets****  
**

**British- *Adorably* Dere are no swipping of Stany and Kyley**

**Makcey- NO SHIPPING OF STAN AND KYLE, M'KAY? M'KAY?**


	2. Chapter 2

_**Demonlord5000: THAT, MY CHILD, WAS HOW I WAS GOING TO FUCK UP DISNEY'S THE LITTLE MERMAID. YOU'RE SO VERY WELCOME**_

_**I Run With Sporks: WHALE THANK YOU I WAS PLANNING FOR THIS TO BE FUNNY, SERIOUS, AND EMOTIONAL. I HAVE SOME REALLY EMOTIONAL PARTS SO BEWARE FANGIRLS *LAUGHS EVILLY* BEWARE**_

_**GUEST: WHALE THANK YOU ;~;**_

**SO YEAH HERES THE NEXT CHAPTER I GUESS**

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Kyle listened to his father's ramblings and rolled his eyes. Butters, the crab, who hosted the musical thingy, was a little upset but he didn't get too upset because the merman Jew was very powerful (mostly because he was rich and nothing beats someone who is rich) and wouldn't appreciate someone yelling at his son.

"Yeah!" Butters yelled but then continued "Your Highness..." In a small voice. "Kyle, there were people out there begging for you to go out there and sing. And you were on the surface! The surface where a person who would probably like kill you and shit!" Gerald clenched his fists and pointed to Kyle. "I forbid you to go to the surface. YOU HEAR ME KYLE BROFLOVSKI?"

Kyle stuck up his nose and yelled "Fuck you, dad! I DON'T EVER WANT TO FUCKING SING!"

Kyle swam out and Cartman again stayed behind. "Kyle went to see a black bird on the surface." Cartman kept eye contact with King Gerald and swam out after Kyle.

"That's goddamn black bird... Putting thoughts into Kyle's head." King Gerald said to himself and a fish named Mr. Garrison (Yes, there's a fish Garrison) raised his hand. "No, Garrison, we cannot get rid of all the black birds in the ocean." Slowly Mr. Garrison put his hand down.

King Gerald looked at Butters who wanted to reschedule the performance was blabbing on. "So, sir, if it's okay-" "Butters?" "Yes, Your Highness?" "Do you have friends?"

Butters looked Gerald in the eyes and said "No." Gerald smiled "Well, Kyle needs friends too! Go watch over him!" "B-But... Aw hamburgers!" Butters swam out and started talking to himself.

"When did I become a babysitter to a sixteen year old?" Butters stopped himself when he saw Kyle and Cartman swimming towards a small cavern. Kyle picked up the rock in front and swim in. Butters quickly caught up and slid under a pot. He watched the merman rant to the pufferfish.

Kyle was pissed off. It was pretty obvious. His hair was curling more than usual, and Butters noticed that he had thrown his ushanka across the room. His red hair was a wild mess.

"It's fucking gay being a merman! Like Jesus Christ! Did God get fucking bored and be like 'oh I'm so fucking almighty so I'll make this gay things' and just... fuck!" Kyle yelled and sat down and curled up. "I don't understand why dad gets his tail in a twist about humans. What's so bad about them?"

"Are you going to sing?" Cartman asked. "What?" "I asked if you were going to sing." "JESUS HOW GAY DO PEOPLE THINK I AM?" Kyle yelled as his face got red. "Really gay. Have you seen the Kyman fanfics?" Cartman took out his phone and gave it to him.

Kyle began reading a Kyman fanfic and screamed. "WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?!" Kyle dropped the phone and Butters quietly walked over and grabbed the phone. Butters read and his jaw fell.

"CARTMAN WHY DO YOU HAVE THIS?" "SO I CAN EMBARRASS YOU WHEN YOU TALK TO GAY FISH AND TELL THEM YOUR GAY." "FUCKING CARTMAN!" Kyle hollered at the pufferfish.

"KYLE YOUR GAY?" Butters yelled and Kyle replied. "NO, I AM NOT GAY!' "YES HE IS!" "SHUT UP CARTMAN!" Butters realized where he was. There was odd objects Butters never had seen before.

"Butters what are you doing her?" "Well, uh..." Butters responded twiddling his claw thingys.

"Butters, you're not here to tell my dad about this?" "Uh..." "Butters! Please don't!" Butters looked down and twiddled his fingers. "Well, uh, fellas... If something like this happens I should Kyle's dad. And we should go back and-" The room started getting dark.

"What the...?" The three boys looked up and saw a large thing on the surface was covering up the light. Kyle smiled and grabbed his ushanka swam out. Cartman followed. "Fellas! Wait for me!" Butters yelled and swam after the two.

Kyle broke the surface and saw a hug ships spitting out fireworks. "Awesome." He started swimming towards the boat with Cartman and Butters following.

"Goddamn, Jew... Slow... Down..." Cartman felt the air being ripped out of his lungs. When Kyle got on the boat he climbed up and looked through a hole in the ship. He looked at all the humans and smiled. "Wow..." He whispered and looked at the people dancing around. Then he looked over and saw a dog running towards him at top speed.

He moved over to the side, waiting for a moment before peeking back out. The dog was still there and licked his face. "SPARKY!" Someone from the ship yelled and the dog ran to its owner. Kyle looked over at the raven haired boy and his eyes widened. "Whoa..."

A bird landed next to him and screeched, "HEY THERE, CHILDREN!" Kyle hushed the bird and threw rocks from the boat at him. "Chef!" He yelled-whispered. "Sorry... What are you doing? Stalking pretty ladies?"

Kyle shook his head. "Stalking boys? Kyle, I didn't know you were gay!" "I'm not! We're not stalking them, we're just... observing from a distance." "Yeah right..."

The human boy on deck was playing with his dog, Sparky, who was trying to hump random things. "Stanley?" A voice called out, the person was trying to be sweet but it just wasn't working. Everyone fell silent and watched the girl gesture towards a covered up huge thingy.

"Here is your birthday present. I was hoping for this to be a wedding present." She seemed bored like she was forced to give him this. Wendy walked up behind him and snaked her arms around his waist. He turned and pecked his cheek and everyone smiled. Shelly groaned and put her finger in her mouth.

Kyle smiled at the two. "C'mon, Shelly, I need a friend to be my best man. And none of these weird ass guys are going to be my best man... No offense." The all shrugged as if they heard it before.

"Fag!" A hushed whisper was called to Kyle. "Get down! Some will see you, Jew!" "Yeah, yeah, in a minute." The raven boy grinned. "Yeah... I need a best friend. No, a super best friend!" His face was childish and his face broke out in a winning smile.

"And I'll know who it is! It'll hit me, like-like... lightning!" The raven boy called out raising a finger. Just as he said 'lightning' the sky clouded up with dark gray clouds and lightning. The winds started up along with downpour.

Wendy held her dress down and the crew ran around, not really sure what to do. Like those fat guys eating a donut in an alien movie and they see a dot on the screen in the military place and they call up someone and are all like "WHAT DO I DO?! WHAT DO I DO?! THERE'S A DOT ON THE THING! A DOT! Oh wait... That's a crumb from my donut. Oopsies. Nevermind."

Stan hurried around shouting orders and Shelly stood in the madness getting swept around by the sailors. Wendy gripped onto Stan like it was the end of the world. **((A/N: Jesus, clingy bitch. Give Stan to someone else. Jesus Christ.))**

Chef got thrown off the ship by the wind screaming, "MILEY CYRUS ISN'T A GOOD TWERKERRRRRRRRRR!" Then lightning hit the sail and the wooden ship lit up like a candle. Sailors got a boat and put Wendy and (Stan forced them to) Shelly. The sailors jumped in and then Stan. Kyle watched in horror from a distance. The boat dropped into the ocean and everyone took a breath of relief until Stan heard a bark from the boat.

"SPARKY!"

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**OOO CLIFFHANGER MUCH? WHALE, FAVORITE, FOLLOW, AND REVIEW PLEASE? *PUPPY EUES* THIS TOOK LIKE A JILLION YEARS. OH WHOSE GONNA TO COUNT HOW MANY TIMES I USED 'THINGYS' BECAUSE sHuT uP**


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